r/AmItheAsshole 2d ago Take My Energy 1 Helpful 12 Silver 19 Wholesome 6 Table Flip 1 All-Seeing Upvote 1 Ternion All-Powerful 1

AITA flipping out on my fiance for cancelling all the vegan food options from our wedding food menu behind my back? Not the A-hole

My fiance (31 male) and I (25 female) are getting married soon. There wasn't much that disagreed on during the wedding planning except for food. Me and my family are vegans, and there so many reasons why we chose this lifestyle and one of them being that we have a history of health issues. My fiance and his family are the complete opposite. they're hardcore meat eaters which is fine by me obviously.

However, When deciding on the wedding food menu, I wanted to add 4-5 vegan options. My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. They also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying. and two I want to make my guests feel welcome and not be treated as second class citizens by being served "salad". my fiance made a face and said "isn't that what vegans eat?". I refused to argue about it and said it was final.

The other day, I found out that he had cancelled all the vegan options and took them off the menu completely and behind my back. I was seething. I called him at work but he kept hanging up on me. I went straight to his workplace and confronted him there and just flipped out on him. He was stunned to see me. He at first said it was his mom's idea then told me to go home because I was making a scene at the office. the fight continued at home and he defended himself by saying that I sort of made him resort to doing this after I kept brushing off his thoughs and input, and refusing to accommadate his family. but there were PLENTY of meat options why why can't I get 4-5 vegan options? when I'm paying for it?. He yelled that it was his wedding too not my family's. My family said it was fine and they'll figure it out and told me to let it go but I refused.

AITA for putting my foot down on this?

UPDATE: So his mom messaged me earlier to try to get me to listen to what she had to say after I kept ignoring her phonecalls. She spent long walls of text just to "address" what I did at her son's workplace, calling it all kinds of stuff from immature to unhinged. She then went to explain how she's noticed that me and my family kept "acting dismissive" of her son's input and "contributations" to the wedding. She said that she noticed my behavior towards him and her entire family and wanted to speak up earlier but didn't and tried to keep the peace. She then went on to address the food menu issue and denied her involvement in the cancellation of the vegan option but that didn't mean she doesn't support her son's decision. moreover, she thought it was soooo responsible of him to make that move because of my continual refusal to see how this stuff is waste of money. she also pointed out how I kept saying "I paid for it" and said that technically this isn't just my money, it's mine and his because we're getting married she suggested I wisen up and get rid of "my money, I paid for it" mentality. She finally mentioned how "bad" this whole situation is making me look, and said that she and her son had already offered a number of compromises that I chose to brush off and decided to make it my "weird" hill to die on. She said that not only her son is upset but she and "the family" are as well after hearing about it and suggested I just agrre on their compromise and be done with it. This pissed me off beyond belief I responded by letting her know that I'm still standing my ground on this even if I'll have to call the whole wedding off because of it because honestly? this is just ridiculous, it is!!! my mom and dad....they don't even know what to say anymore. Apparently, my fiance saw my response to her (he's with her) and is now trying to call me but right now I'm waiting on him to get home and see if he's still insisting on the stance he took.

I'll update if there's anything worth adding after we talk.

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u/yourlittlebirdie Craptain [156] 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Starry Ally To The Stars Doom Awesome Answer

NTA and for the love of god don’t marry this man.

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u/grizzlywolfe Partassipant [1] 2d ago

I’m on my knees begging her to see the giant 🚩🚩🚩

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u/Quellman Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago Silver Helpful All-Seeing Upvote Take My Energy Spit-take

Yes Marinara Flags all over. Good thing they are vegan.

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u/LawBird33101 2d ago

I mean it's like they're militantly meat-focused. My family and I all love meat, we come from a large Texan family after all. But we've never refused to accommodate a guest, and plenty of the stuff we make for ourselves was already vegan before we ever even worried about it.

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u/Mahom1es 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry

It's not really about the meat. It is about control.

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u/dcoleski 2d ago Gold

Bingo. If this marriage happens, OP will be back here in less than a year complaining about how DH puts his mom ahead of her. I hope you are okay with MIL in the delivery room when you have children. NTA but this is about more than a menu.

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u/Fit_Resolution237 Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Ohh yaaaa. OP is marrying his MIL. I hope they realize that.

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u/equimot 2d ago

OPs next post will be asking for advice on her husband sneaking meat into their food

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u/PermanentThrowaw4y 2d ago

Plus, if the children want to be vegans, they'll be shamed by the other family. WTF.

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u/dcoleski 2d ago

INFO: Since the bride’s family (the vegans) are paying, has the menu been corrected, with orders to the caterer that the groom or his family cannot alter the choices? Just “losing it” fixes nothing.

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u/SamiHami24 Partassipant [4] 2d ago

And his mom will be naming them.

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u/Etianen7 2d ago

Yes, and also how he's thrown away her vegan food/products from the fridge.

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u/dcoleski 2d ago

Honestly I do not see how she can marry him. Runaway brides are a thing.

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u/tinaburgerpants 2d ago

"The Iranian yogurt isn't the issue here."

You are most correct!

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u/msharek 2d ago

Exactly. Even as a hardcore meat eater too at some point you want like a vegetable or fruit right?? And there are tons of yummy vegan dessert options too. This is totally irrational.

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u/Environmental_Crazy4 2d ago

In this case, absolutely!! There are plenty on couples with one vegan and one meat eater and they respect each other's choices and get along fine.

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u/Brilliant-Pebbles 2d ago Silver Helpful Bless Up

It's an extension of the "own thu libz" culture. Nobody even remotely attached to reality would be offended at the mere presence of vegan food, but this man and his family are. They're attached to a toxic parasocial identity that necessitates destroying other people's identities (OP mentioned it was a lifestyle choice) in order to survive, which is childish and pathetic.

I'm also not vegan and these people are exhausting to be around.

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u/scrapsforfourvel 2d ago

Yeah, just look at any comments under articles about Cracker Barrel adding Impossible sausage to their menu and see these people lose their entire shit.

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u/DontKillTheWarCrier 2d ago

Cracker Barrel added the option to have vegetarian sausage and conservatives are upset.

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u/Brilliant-Pebbles 2d ago

Waiting for the Proud Boys to start storming Cracker Barrels, guns in hand, to provide our country with another heaping helping of second-hand embarrassment.

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u/PhirebirdSunSon 2d ago

It's 100% this - they see the word "vegan" and equate it to the word "woke" which they've been told by Fox News and Alex Jones is basically a slur, so anything even remotely not white and "normal" is "woke" and thusly a performative act and not genuine in any way.

Whether the fiance and/or his mom actually thinks this way, or if they just know their family will think this way if they see the word "vegan", they're both huge assholes for A) giving a crap about any of this and B) not respecting OP and her family enough to look at their dietary choices as anything but some sort of fad or curiosity.

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u/rabid_houseplant_ 2d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Yeah, the fiancé’s reaction here is awful. My husband and his family are all big meat eaters (like, meat in every single meal, always, or they’re not really happy). My mom is a vegetarian. When we were planning our wedding menu, my husband actively thought about making sure there were vegetarian options for her. You know, because she’s my mom, and it was important to him that she have something tasty to eat.

And wtf with his comment about salad and that “being all that vegans eat”? He’s about to marry this woman and he hasn’t paid enough attention to what she eats to notice that it’s not all salad??

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u/dcutts77 2d ago Helpful

They aren't carnivores, they are assholes

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u/EconomyVoice7358 2d ago

And the crazy thing is that THEY are the guests in this case- her family is paying for the food and the fiancé just canceled everything they can eat from their own order!

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u/SilverDarner 2d ago

Hospitality comes before personal preference when it comes to feeding your guests. If your guest doesn't eat pork, you make sure your guest has pork-free food to eat, same with vegetarians and folks with allergies.

Growing up as a vegetarian in rural Texas, I learned quickly to tell whose folks raised them right and whose tables to avoid.

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u/CroneMage 2d ago

I'm an opportunistic omnivore. I went to a wedding that was mostly vegan and gluten free. There were a couple of meaty gluten free entree options. The one I had was yummy. The gluten free wedding cake was also yummy. The couple found an absolutely fantastic caterer. No one left that wedding hungry unless they were militantly meaty and gluteny.

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u/Bellatrix_ed 2d ago

Right? I love meat. But like, today I made a vegan lunch. by ACCIDENT, it wasn't until i sat down that i realized there were a total of 0 animal products in my food,

It's just not that difficult!

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u/everyonemustlovecats Asshole Enthusiast [9] 2d ago

Like PB & J? That's so All-American, I don't think OP's family would object, unless someone pointed out that it's "vegan."

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u/GodOfAtheism Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Man is doing a combined Chinese and Soviet military parade during the Running of the Bulls.

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u/Ok_Possibility5715 Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Going behind the back and all his comments against vegans should be a huge flag for OP

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u/Meangrd01 Partassipant [2] 2d ago Helpful

Second this comment. This is how your marriage would go, you need/want something, he decides you don’t and just goes behind your back whenever you disagree

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u/AccordingToMango 2d ago Rocket Like

I cannot stress this enough.

Run, woman. Run for the hills and never look back.

Oh, also - NTA.

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u/tinypurplepiggy 2d ago Rocket Like

Right? This is how every family meal is going to go for OP from here on out if she marries this man. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't have temper tantrums over there being vegan food in their home before too long. Even if I had ONE vegan guest, I would accommodate them because it isn't that freaking hard. I accommodated a person with Celiac and someone on a very strict diet with zero issues at my wedding. This man and his mommy are refusing to accommodate the bride's whole family and the bride herself. And they aren't even paying for it!

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u/your-yogurt Asshole Aficionado [18] 2d ago

and she had a perfectly good compromise! food for both parties! its a win-win! But somehow the idea of having vegetables for her parents is BAD???

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u/OrindaSarnia Partassipant [2] 2d ago

Yeah, that's what's so stunning about this one.

It's so easy to accommodate both groups here. No one has to "compromise", literally everyone wins when there are just MORE options available!

AND it isn't even costing HIM more money because her family is paying.

If he can't figure out how to concede an issue that has literally NO downside for him or his family, how is he ever going to compromise on an issue where he has to accept a small negative?

This is so beyond anything reasonable!

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u/EpiJade Partassipant [2] 2d ago

When he said "isn't that what vegans eat?" To HER his FIANCEE who he has presumedly SEEN EAT

I died.

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u/begonia824 2d ago

And he will run everything by his mother, and accept her input.

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u/KittyKratt 2d ago

Honestly he seems like the type to sneak meat into her food and say "See? You're fine! I've been doing it for years!"

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u/Jay2Jee 2d ago I'll Drink to That

Is there a better way to start a marriage than making sure that the bride has nothing to eat on her wedding day?

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u/Reigo_Vassal 2d ago Silver Bravo!

Yes. Make a decision behind her back because the "real wife" told to.

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/anonymooseuser6 Partassipant [2] 2d ago

The fact that he has no idea what she eats?! What the fuck?!

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u/Hulkemo Partassipant [1] 2d ago

He so obviously thinks she and her family are idiots and doesn't respect them at all. He probably thinks he'll change her after they're married.

Honestly, and this is just speculation obvs, I wouldn't be surprised if he's already snuck non vegan food into her meals and diet.

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u/Cynformation 2d ago

Coming soon…AITH bc I served a vegetarian meal that I cooked and want to eat myself

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u/Resident-Librarian40 2d ago

OP wondering why she’s suddenly ill all the time.

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u/Natural_Pressure6329 2d ago

This. It cost him literally nothing to let you have these options, he took them away anyway. NTA.

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u/No-Raspberry-9684 Partassipant [4] 2d ago

Agree. This is a massive show of disrespect and where on his priority list, you and your family's needs are for him. Do not marry. NTA

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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 2d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry

NTA. So, he:

  1. has no clue what Vegans actually eat, and no interest in learning.
  2. believes having food for your family is offensive to theirs, while having no food for your family is perfectly fine.
  3. doesn't respect your input and your money.
  4. makes decisions about matters important to you behind your back.
  5. either can't stand up to his mom or uses her as his scapegoat.

That's a lot of things to be really angry about. Why are you marrying this guy again?

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u/uninvitedfriend 2d ago

If she marries this guy, she'll end up looking back at this moment realizing it should have been her sign to run.

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u/BelkiraHoTep Partassipant [3] 2d ago

If she married this guy, she’ll find a lot of the vegan food she keeps at the house suddenly goes missing, and he’ll start substituting meat in her meals without her knowledge to show how this “really isn’t a big deal.”

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u/Jatulintarha 2d ago

If they live together that could be already happening.

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u/Etianen7 2d ago

Yeah, but I keep wondering how come if they live together, he doesn't know what she/vegans eat?

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u/JustEnoughForACoffee 2d ago

I have experience with this somewhat.

I was vegetarian for awhile and during so I was in a foster home. The foster mother married this woman who "didn't believe in being a vegetarian" and would sneak grease and small enough pieces of meat that was hard to tell what it was while eating into the sides. Then got offended when they told me and I flipped out on both of them, since they both knew. I didn't eat anything they cooked after that and then went off to college and cut all contact.

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u/247Brett 2d ago

I’ll never understand why people try these ‘gotcha’ schemes. Do they expect the person receiving to somehow be grateful and completely change their ways? The only reasonable outcome is betrayal and distrust.

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u/lady_wildcat Partassipant [2] 2d ago

They are slaves to their taste buds and think if they can convince a veggie person that they like meat that person will start eating meat.

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u/Fit_Resolution237 Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Do people realize some people can’t eat meat for medical reasons? That would be a trip to the hospital for my friend at worse. At best a very rough couple of days.

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u/247Brett 2d ago

If she’s been vegan/vegetarian for long enough, her gut flora has likely changed enough that she’d immediately know if he did… because she’d get violently sick.

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u/hebejebez 2d ago

My question is how TF doesn't he know what she eats on the regular, she said the house so they must live together.

Op please don't marry someone so oblivious disrespectful and childish towards you, honestly hanging up on you followed by my mummy told me to is some teenage boy bullshit and the dudes 31.

Fuck that guy. NTA

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u/brown_eyed_gurl Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Agreed! And I'm pretty sure there's no way this is the first sign...

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u/StarMagus 2d ago

This will be on her The Usual Suspects "Why didn't I notice this!" moment.

NTA, but yeesh you've been with him all this time and he thinks you only eat salad?

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u/JankyWeeaboo 2d ago

People who eat meat and are "fOrCeD" to be around vegans are the worst. They act like the victim when they can simply NOT eat the vegan food. Idk why vegan option are so offensive to them as meat eaters. Just stfu!!!

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u/HoldFastO2 Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 2d ago

Yeah, I don't get it, either. Hardcore "carnivores" are at least as annoying as hardcore Vegans. Just let the other guy eat what they want, all right?

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u/cogitaveritas Partassipant [1] 2d ago Silver Gold Vibing I'll Drink to That

Honestly, not a vegan but I think hardcore carnivores might be worse. Even if you don't agree with it, you can at least empathize a little with where vegans are coming from in not wanting to kill/hurt animals. Carnivores have.... nothing?

So they're equally as pushy, but at least I can empathize with vegans and understand why they'd have a problem being around people eating meat. (Still frustrating though.)

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u/Brilliant-Pebbles 2d ago

"But if I'm not eating killed things, how will people know I'm a man?" That's what it boils down to when it's not about politics.

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u/cogitaveritas Partassipant [1] 2d ago

I've never understood that either, haha.

Like, if you're going for ultra-traditional masculine, EATING the meat wasn't the manly thing. HUNTING the meat and killing it yourself was the manly thing. In that weird masculine world, eating meat that someone else brings you would be the equivalent of being unable to care for yourself, wouldn't it?

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u/HarpersGhost 2d ago

As a bacon lover, I think hardcore carnivores are far worse than their vegan counterparts.

At least the hardcore vegans have their own ethics on their side. Animal cruelty is a real problem, and they are doing what they can to stop it.

With hardcore carns it's like, are you really that upset that some cow lived a little longer because that family of vegans aren't having steaks?

Maybe, maybe if OP's (future ex) fiance were cattle ranchers, butchers, leather workers, etc, they would rightly feel uncomfortable around hardcore vegans, but OP isn't a hardcore vegan! She's a vegan for health reasons and is fine with others eating meat.

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u/jadecourt 2d ago

I 100% agree, hardcore carnivores are often total crybabies. if I had to guess it comes from a place of feeling conflicted about their meat consumption and they're prematurely defensive about it?

I eat meat and I just can't imagine caring at all if someone was vegan. I wish I had that level of dedication and that my actions aligned with my beliefs.

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u/Background-Ad-552 2d ago

I'm a heavy meat eater and I would never ever stop my fiancee from eating vegan. In fact I've explored some of her vegan options and tried various plant based foods.

Your fiancee disregarded your family's needs. Then he tried to gaslight you into thinking that your family shouldn't get good quality food.

That is a massive sign of immaturity and worse a sign that he doesn't have empathy for your family and yourself.

If you decide to marry this clown please get marriage counseling first.

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u/prosemortem 2d ago

i always wanna ask them how tf they shit. like meat eaters who freak out about An Single Meat Free Meal. like.. dude. your colon!?!

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u/Sad_Box_1167 2d ago edited 2d ago

Yeah, I’m not vegetarian or vegan but I get the veg option most of the time because it tastes good. I can’t stand it when people insist something has to have meat to be “real” food.

ETA I don’t get the veg option when there are limited supplies of veg food (like catered work events with a small handful of eggplant sandwiches), but I do usually eat veg at restaurants, etc. also NTA.

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u/kittyvibes123 2d ago I'll Drink to That

The other very toxic trait is hanging up when she calls him to discuss something important to her. What an absolute child OP is about to marry. Wait until you have kids OP. Him and his mother are going to drive you absolutely insane.

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u/Captjimmyjames 2d ago

Not to mention the "Mommy made me do it. "

Fuuuucking leave now. That's going to be a future of being under his mother's thumb in their life decisions.

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u/Quellman Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago

He's the child and 6 years her senior. Pathetic.

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u/realyak Asshole Enthusiast [9] 2d ago

How is a vegan even in a position to be marrying a guy who has no idea what vegans eat? Have they never cooked for each other? What is the foundation for this marriage? A few dates at steak houses where op only eats salad because there’s nothing else for her on the menu?

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u/KittyInTheBush 2d ago

Right, like how have they gotten to the "engaged" part without him ever seeing her eat food? Other than a salad since he thinks that's all vegans eat? Which if that were true, then OP would be fine with only salads being there for vegans. Make it make sense

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u/blackesthearted 2d ago

That’s my question too! Ignorance of veganism as a whole aside, how long have they been engaged and how disconnected is he that he has no idea what his own fiancée eats on a day to day basis?

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u/AnselaJonla Certified Proctologist [28] 2d ago

NTA

Are you sure you want to marry this man and his family? They have no respect at all for you and yours.

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u/SarahJake2022 2d ago

Frankly, I have no idea why his mom feels so strongly about getting involved. I only included in wedding planning only because I respect her but I guess it's like they say "give an inch...and they'll take a mile"

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u/WhittSmitt 2d ago

This isn’t going to be the only thing in your marriage she will feel the need to get involved in. It doesn’t just happen at the wedding. Additionally, your husband has made it clear that he’s going to always side with his mother and not stand up for you, which he should do.

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u/thiswaywhiskey 2d ago

Yep hate to be the bearer of bad news but this will continue forever, and if they plan on having kids.... Yikes.

Wasn't there a story the other day about the vegan who's husband's family keeps feeding her meat (lying to her btw) because "aha gotcha you liked the pasta sauce we had meat in" and she gets violently ill (she purposefully threw up this time so she didn't have to spend their travel trip home being sick).

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u/JetItTogether Pooperintendant [53] 2d ago

Yeesh, people are horrible. Why is food poisoning a gotcha moment.

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u/Tetsumon 2d ago

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u/Girl_Dinosaur Partassipant [1] 2d ago

While it was the first time, I highly doubt it will turn out to be a one-time thing. If she ever eats their food again, they are 100% going to put meat in it and not tell her to see if it actually makes her sick. And if it was a small enough amount of meat that it doesn't maker her sick, they are going to use it as evidence that she's a big faker drama queen. Toxic people are not 'one time thing' kind of toxic.

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u/Failing_Health 2d ago

It'll continue and escalate once she's "locked in"

Wasn't there a story the other day about the vegan who's husband's family keeps feeding her meat (lying to her btw) because "aha gotcha you liked the pasta sauce we had meat in" and she gets violently ill (she purposefully threw up this time so she didn't have to spend their travel trip home being sick).

Yes. I don't know why she didn't just extend her trip for a day and make a mess in their bathroom. Make them deal with the consequences of poisoning her and maybe they'll knock it off.

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u/CarlBassett Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2d ago

The problem isn't MIL. The problem is your future husband. If this is how he acts now what will he do when you are married? Have kids? Want to move house? He will make every decision behind your back and ignore your opinion. This will not get better. This is what the rest if your married life will be.

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u/ladynox25 2d ago

Exactly. Do you want to bet that after they’re married he’s going to try to force her to abandon being a vegan? He’s going to make her life hell every time she cooks “not real food” and heaven forbid one of their kids (if they have any) decides that they want to be vegan too. He has no respect for the health issues that are behind this, no interest in learning about anything related to veganism, so IOW, he has no respect for her AT ALL.

NTA and break it off, OP. He is not the kind of person you should be marrying.

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u/MamaBirdJay 2d ago

This!!! I’m sure he’s got toxic masculinity so she probably cooks for him. So she’s going to be cooking two meals for the rest of her life because the husband won’t eat what she’s eating. This isn’t sustainable.

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u/ArcanaCat13 2d ago

You are spot on. Your fiancé and his mom just gave you a preview of your whole life if you marry him. He is going to constantly scoff at your food choices. I would go as far to say he would sabotage your food as it's clear he's not beneath letting you and your family starve on your wedding day because somehow vegetables offend him.

And that's on top of the fact he went behind your back to do this. How could you trust a man that would make choices about your life together without talking to you?

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u/send_me_your_noods 2d ago

"Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft (free copy below) is a great resource for you to learn about the different types of tactics that abusers use and will help you to see if your current relationship is following any of the patterns described. If you don't see your relationship being discussed either as one of the architypes or as bits and pieces of any of the other types then you're not worse off by having the knowledge. If the information does coincide with the way that you're living then there's also a couple chapters on being able to get out safely.

https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

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u/EasternLaugh3241 2d ago Helpful Wholesome Starry

As a marriage and family therapist, one of the first questions I ask when I get a new couple as a client is how they met. The second is how the wedding went because of events like this. It sets a precedence for the marriage and shows how communication gets handled during financial and emotional stress. From this small snapshot, he’s telling you he’d rather make decisions with his mom than have an adult discussion with you about a core piece of who you are. 🚩

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u/Reasonable-Rich6650 2d ago

So you and your family are paying, but his mummy says salad and cupcakes is fine, so he cancels any food the family PAYING can eat. I’d cancel the wedding you NTA, him and mummy massive massive AH’s

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u/SarahJake2022 2d ago

Yes. I notice how he and his mom agreed to come against me on this

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u/dinosauragency 2d ago

When people on reddit (and IRL too) get concerned about men who go after younger women, they are talking about deadbeats like your husband-to-be. He wants a pushover who will pay for everything he wants. Get out, you can do better.

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u/Bellabird42 2d ago

I don’t think the age difference is significant here. It’s more that his mom is clearly running the show and if OP marries him, she’ll always come second

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u/lego_mannequin 2d ago

Wait until that mom starts pushing her beliefs on any child they have. Or any major decision.

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u/TrackHot8093 2d ago

My SO is 13 years older and would never have pulled this crap. Funnily enough, he is the big meat eater in the family, and worked on a kill floor so has no illusions about where meat comes from, and he loves vegan! And not any of the fake meat products. Your SO is a little child playing a nasty game.

This all about power, control and ensuring your family knows their place.

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u/foozballisdevil Partassipant [1] 2d ago

This is less an age thing and more just an entitled asshole thing.

Still get out, you deserve more.

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u/Hugh_Jass_Clouds 2d ago

For once this is not an age issue here. 6 years is a relatively normal age gap. What we have here is a maturity gap, and the one lacking maturity here is the BF. Not so much for OP.

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u/charly_lenija 2d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Starry I'll Drink to That

NTA - and you should think very carefully whether you are surprised by his action or not.

If this behaviour is totally out of character for him, then you should talk to him and clarify why he acted this way. A little tip: something like this is never about food. Either it is the relationship with his mother or maybe he feels insecure because you are paying for the wedding (why actually?) or he feels left out of basic decisions in your life... you should have this conversation with a neutral party, e.g. a marriage counsellor.

If you are not surprised by his behaviour, you should seriously consider whether you want to marry this man (and his mother!).

As for the action itself: absolutely asshole, sneaky and cowardly. And your reaction was absolutely okay. Also that you showed up at his office - even though this is normally a no-go, he refused your calls and certainly called the caterer on purpose so that you would know about it when he was not at home. Precisely so that you can't make a scene. Apart from that, I find his disrespect and ignorance of your diet really scary - and I'm a big carnivore too.

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u/Minkiemink Asshole Enthusiast [8] 2d ago

This should be the top comment. Calm. Measured. Thoughtful.....and accurate.

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u/DerangedUnicorn27 2d ago

Completely agree with this. u/SarahJake2022, take note on this advice and put the entire wedding on “pause” until you both talk with a counselor, figure this out, and/or you decide what you want to do. Do NOT rush to marry this man after this because it is a huge red flag. If he thinks this is OK, it’ll only get worse after marriage. Personally, I would just completely walk away after this behavior and extreme disregard.

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u/Livingeachdayatedge 2d ago

This will going to be constant issue. Go to r/justnomil . It will you glimpse of your upcoming future unless you cancel the wedding.

This man and his mom has no respect for your family. I don't know about you but I will never marry someone who doesn't respect my family. You are 25, you are still young.

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u/OwnBrother2559 Partassipant [2] 2d ago

And they will team up against you for your entire marriage if you let this slide. I’d postpone the wedding until mummy’s boy does some therapy and understands that other people ( like…his fiancée?) have feelings too….

NTA

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u/PhssthpokthePak Partassipant [2] 2d ago

Please grow a spine and leave him. What he did was so absolutely disrespectful even if it was instigated by his mum. My wife in a similar situation would have told her mum or any other family member to f off. As someone who's been married for 5 years please take my earnest advice. My mum's side are vegetarian and my wife's side are pretty much carnivorous. My wife still made sure the vegetarian options at our wedding reception were delicious.

You want a partner who will stand up for you and not one who will disregard you and your family like this.

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u/wkdpaul 2d ago

It's a lot more than this. As a man, I implore you to reconsider, his behaviour is NOT normal, at all.

Having vegan options on a menu isn't offensive to meat eaters, but making sure vegans have NO options is.

What he did (turning the situation around saying YOU caused this) is classic DARVO shit.

Don't walk away, RUN!!!!

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u/giospez Partassipant [2] 2d ago edited 2d ago I'll Drink to That Yas Queen

NTA, and easy fix. He cancelled the vegan options, you cancel the wedding. Imagine what the toxicity will be when you guys have kids and you want to have ANY type of input on their upbringing...

Edit: had forgotten to add the NTA...

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u/TheRealAntrey 2d ago

Worse!

Imagine, god forbid, the kids have any alergy that stop them from eating things that everybody takes for granted like peanuts or certain fats.

I already can see MIL going "there are no such things as alergy to..."

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u/vereliberi 2d ago

Reminds me of the coconut oil story where one of OPs daughters died because of her MIL.

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u/Duncan_sucks 2d ago

It was worse, that OPs daughter died because of her own mother. The coconut oil had cultural significance so that's why she kept using it even when told the girl was very allergic.

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u/DoorSubstantial2104 2d ago

Er… WHAT?? Link?

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u/metro-mtp 2d ago

I don’t know where to find it anymore but there was a woman whose young daughter had a severe coconut allergy. The grandmother refused to take it seriously and put coconut oil in the child’s hair thinking it would be okay, but she had a severe allergic reaction in the night and by the time they realized it was too late. Horrible situation

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u/sashimiatlaw 2d ago

You can’t find it because the mother requested it not be talked about. It was tragic and she dislikes being reminded of it.

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u/jennyislander Asshole Aficionado [11] 2d ago

I learned my lesson and will not go into details in case the OP of that heartbreaking story reads here, but the OP of this story should consider:

It is entirely possible for Person A to say, "Please make this adjustment to your choices that does not cause you any harm, because your original choice has been proven to cause direct and immediate harm to another," and for Person B to respond, "You're not the boss of me" and see no downside to going ahead with the original choice.

Any chance, OP, that that's what's going on here? Because, yes, it can go to some very, very bad places.

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u/Desert_Sea_4998 Partassipant [3] 2d ago Gold Helpful Wholesome GOAT

NTA, unless you marry him.

He showed you who he is. Believe him.

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u/Equivalent_Secret_26 2d ago

1000000000000% This. THIS

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u/No-Anything-4440 2d ago edited 2d ago

OP Please do NOT marry him. This is a really bad sign.

Food might be a minor issue but the larger one surrounding it is that he not only lied to you (with his mother as his partner in crime), but he then refused to discuss it with you. This "man" can't have a conversation about food but instead chooses to hang up? What will happen for more significant issues? Because there will be many more in the course of a lifetime and marriage - ones that are far hard to contend with than meal options.

Sure, maybe showing up at his office was a bit much, but I also think you are at your wits end and I wonder what other BS your fiancé has pulled.

EDIT: NTA!!

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u/littlebirdsongs 2d ago

This is the way, call the wedding off. Offering vegan options does not have any effect on the guests that will be eating the meat options so the only reason for him to cancel the vegan options is control. He is showing you that’s who he is, the type that wants to control what others do and that’s more important to him than what you and your loved ones enjoy eating and more important to him than your happiness. Call off the wedding, don’t marry this guy!

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u/SaikaTheCasual Colo-rectal Surgeon [43] 2d ago edited 2d ago Silver

NTA and honestly, you wanna cancel the wedding all together.

  • He doesn’t respect you, he doesn’t respect your family.
  • he’s going behind your back to do something he knows you hate
  • he’s prioritising his mothers fragile feelings over your needs

I’m not the “break up” over anything type of person but… this dude isn’t able to handle an adult relationship with mutual respect. And at his age … that’s worrying.

Another thing that’s worrying is that he’s together with a vegan and obviously has no clue on what vegans eat.

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u/Majestic-Seesaw9362 2d ago

Yeah, this is a big old marinara flag over things to come. If he's doing this during your wedding, which you'd think would be a day for the both of you, how is he going to treat differences later in marriage?

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u/Constant-Apartment08 2d ago

Definitely NTA.

Not only are you the one paying for the food, but a wedding is something you plan as a couple. He felt like your and your family’s wellbeing during the catering wasn’t as important as his.

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u/SarahJake2022 2d ago

He said it was his wedding too as a way to get me to back off I guess.

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u/Constant-Apartment08 2d ago

You were still very justified in your anger towards him. It being « his wedding too » means that it’s supposed to be equal part his and yours and he tried to erase you and your family from being served an appropriate vegan meal.

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u/MMRavenclaw 2d ago

Why is there even still a wedding when he clearly has no respect for you or your family? Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? Being treated as lesser than?

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u/I-am-the-trashcan Partassipant [1] 2d ago

It is his wedding too, but removing all food options suitable for you and your family signals that it’s ONLY his wedding now as it shows you and your family don’t matter. Both options as it originally was, WAS the “our” wedding.

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u/Witchbitch_990 2d ago

It's BOTH of yours wedding. So you compromise and get BOTH types of food. Because you should be a unit and partnership and compromise, which it seems he is unable to do.

He already got what HE wanted, but when you want to not take away from his choice, but add more options, he suddenly is offended. So he feels like his choice: good enough for both. And your choice: stupid, irrelevant, too much, insulting to him.

So he doesn't value your choice or opinions.

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u/Fried-froggy 2d ago

It’s not a vegan food only wedding , it was a vegan option wedding... so now it’s only his wedding and not yours!

It’s time you hard a hard think about this and stop trying to rationalize what he says. He’ll force meat into your meals once your married ... and then you’ll be hear posting about how he sneaks bacon fat into your meals and now says well it’s not a problem because you didn’t know!

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u/Hexogram 2d ago

Yes to all this! He’s trivializing her dietary needs in order to… appease his weird mom?

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u/RhubarbSkein 2d ago

OP, I have to say- if I was a guest at a wedding where I knew one half of the couple was vegan and my only food options were meat I would be quietly taking bets on when the divorce was coming.

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u/notuptospecs 2d ago

Well, it's your wedding too and your wishes obviously doesn't matter to him. Why would 'it's his wedding too' value so much to you then?

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u/Kyraphim 2d ago

NTA

As someone who has been vegan/vegetarian for 15 years and very familiar with this kind of hostility from meat eaters, I beg of you to seriously reconsider your relationship. His family is one thing, but if he's so flippant about your lifestyle and makes comments about it not being real food, it means he doesn't respect you. Especially if he's doing shit like this behind your back. Doesn't seem like he's trustworthy. He sounds like the type of person that would intentionally feed you non vegan things because he thinks it's funny and would teach you a lesson.

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u/Strange-Ad-4409 2d ago Silver

I truly don't understand the hostility that people show about vegan/vegetarian options just being available. I'm not vegan or vegetarian but I have a handful of friends that are so it was important to me at my wedding that there be a vegan options besides just salad and veggie sticks. I had several people say that vegan/vegetarians could just eat salad and that it was unnecessary to make sure there was an adequate main course/afterglow selection. Those same people were also adamant that I have a chicken AND steak option.

I wouldn't be happy if I were to be given just a bag of beef jerky for an entire evening so I don't understand why people think vegan/vegetarian should just put up with a salad.

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u/Client_020 2d ago

I truly don't understand the hostility that people show about vegan/vegetarian options just being available

I think deep down some meat eaters may feel attacked by the mere existence of people who are vegan or vegetarian, because they think people living this lifestyle are implicitly saying their meat eater's lifestyle is wrong. Nobody likes feeling judged, and vegan options being available is a reminder that they could be making a different choice that some people find morally superior.

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u/_game_over_man_ 2d ago

I think deep down some meat eaters may feel attacked by the mere existence of people who are vegan or vegetarian, because they think people living this lifestyle are implicitly saying their meat eater's lifestyle is wrong.

This type of behavior and mentality doesn't just occur with the whole vegan/vegetarian/meateater debate, it happens a lot with a lot of different things. I have to imagine the fiancé and mom also feel similarly about other issues of difference because this sort of thing is rarely a one time occurrence.

There's a whole subset of people out there that take great offense to the idea that some people may like or do things differently than them. It speaks to their insecurity, more than anything. If the mere existence of someone different than you makes you feel threatened, you certainly are not secure in yourself.

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u/JetItTogether Pooperintendant [53] 2d ago

INFO: how many options are there in total?

So like 4-5 non vegan and 4-5 vegan meaning 8-10 options for meals? Is this a buffet or restaurant reception?

Or is this a multi-course menu and so there is essentially 1 vegan meal with 4-5 courses?

NTA- because he did this behind your back without talking to you... But I'm wondering why he cares what other people eat?

Also he's the AH for claiming he doesn't know what vegans eat. You're vegan... He knows you eat more than salad.

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u/SarahJake2022 2d ago

aside from the vegan we have 6 options with meat. his mom picked 1. I'm paying for the whole thing.

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u/Hamdown1 2d ago

If you marry him, this is the rest of your life. He’ll do whatever his mom says when it comes to your kids and managing your life.

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u/PoorLama 2d ago

Don't forget he'll definitely blame OP for all of it and say that she has the mistreatment coming. He's already doing that in this post and they're not even married yet.

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u/thatpixarbutt 2d ago

OP, Run. Fast. You're wasting time and money with this guy who follows momma's orders still and it's NOT HIS MONEY to do so with. This is not the guy for you.

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u/Quiet-Dealer-112 2d ago

I’m not vegan, and 6 options with meat sounds like plenty to me. Plenty enough that I wouldn’t understand y someone (especially your fiancé, who is NOT paying for this) would care what other foods there are. As a matter of fact he should want you to have as many options as he does. Some of these AITA don’t seem real to me smh. Ppl can’t actually be like this right? Canceling food options behind your future spouse’s back so they don’t have stuff to eat other than salad at their own wedding?! Wild. If this is really happening to you, you’re NTA, get out of this relationship (it’ll be hard, especially since you’re about to get married, but better than wasted years with this person/family).

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u/Global-Ad4591 2d ago

If you’re paying for the whole thing then cancel all their food. Tell the chef to take instructions from no one but you. And add your vegan to the menu

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u/ForkAKnife Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2d ago Helpful Wholesome

Make it all vegan. Tell nobody.

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u/bookareader 2d ago edited 2d ago

HAHA I was just gonna comment the exact same thing. If OP really wants to go ahead and marry this man I would be petty, call the caterer, and cancel all meat options and replace them with vegan/vegetarian dishes lol.

EDIT: Also, if you do change anything on your order (even if it is just re-adding the vegan options), I would talk to the caterer and set a password that only you know so your fiancé can't go ahead and change the order again.

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u/indiajeweljax Partassipant [3] 2d ago edited 2d ago

You’re seriously considering marrying a man who can’t contribute a penny to your wedding?

Are you the breadwinner? Expect to pay him alimony when—not if—this goes tits up.

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u/Paindepiceaubeurre Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago

Why are you the only one paying for the wedding?

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u/ForkAKnife Asshole Enthusiast [6] 2d ago

Because she’s the only responsible party in this one sided relationship.

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u/baobab77 Asshole Aficionado [10] 2d ago

He's 6 years older than you and doesn't have funds to contribute to the wedding? Him and his mother are controlling the show, when they haven't contributed a penny towards it. Abort mission.

I don't know how your relationship has been leading up to this, but the fact that he's so sneaky about things doesn't bode well. He doesn't view you as an equal partner. Personally, I wouldn't have gone to his workplace. I'd give him the same consideration he gave me when changing the menu, and not inform him when I canceled everything and collected whatever money I could.

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u/GoBanana42 2d ago

PLEASE make your fiancé read all these comments and see what an AH everyone thinks he's being and all the warnings not to marry him. Maybe it'll be a wake up call for him. Maybe not. If he digs in harder, please don't marry him. For your own sake.

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u/artichokesue789 2d ago

NTA. I mean this sincerely -- reconsidered marrying him. It's not about the food. It's about the secrecy and manipulation, the disrespect of your feelings, and the disregard for YOUR money

Please get out now.

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u/WeirdPinkHair 2d ago

And that his mum is the third person in their relationship!

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u/armchairshrink99 Colo-rectal Surgeon [30] 2d ago

NTA. You sure you wanna marry someone who's so rude and dismissive and ruled by his mother?

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u/BrownSugarBare Partassipant [1] 2d ago

RUN.

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u/SupergirlKrypton Asshole Aficionado [17] 2d ago

NTA.

He’s going to marry you and has no idea of what vegans eat?? That comment blew my mind. How can he not have known what you or your family eat in all this time? Does he have blinders on?

Canceling the vegan dishes off the menu is a deliberate and blatantly disrespectful move. Doing so behind your back and blaming you is NOT okay.

Edited for autocorrect fail.

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u/Ginge-24 Partassipant [1] 2d ago edited 2d ago

NTA - all he had to do was compromise by having some vegan options and meat options. Everyone wins. But no. He couldn’t even do that.

Are you sure you want to marry a man who doesn’t respect your views and morals?

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u/Desert_Sea_4998 Partassipant [3] 2d ago

Yep. It literally would cost him nothing, not one penny, for there to be food at the wedding that people OP cares about would enjoy. Yet that was a bridge too far for him. Not only does there need to be food for him and his family, there cannot be food for OP and her family.

OP. Just think about it.

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u/pnutbuttercups56 Pooperintendant [59] 2d ago

NTA but

My fiance and his mom objected saying it was a waste of money over food that 'isn't real food'. They also argued that this would be offensive for 'their' guests and suggested my vegan options just be "the good ol' salads & appetizers" (his mom wanted cupcakes lol). I said no because for one it's me and my family who's paying

The fact you didn't call off the wedding right then is wild

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u/chzsteak-in-paradise Asshole Aficionado [10] 2d ago

NTA. Cancel the meat options also (by canceling the wedding).

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u/consectariana Certified Proctologist [23] 2d ago

NTA but I’d dump the whole man and find someone who is respectful of you and your family.

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u/ashrebekah 2d ago

NTA!!! Dude I’d honestly rethink the whole marriage at this point. He makes fun of y’all’s lifestyle and then has the audacity to go behind your (and parents’) back and cancel the vegan options. It’s not like y’all are onlyyyyy doing vegan food! This dude is an absolute weenie for doing that foolishness

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u/Desert_Sea_4998 Partassipant [3] 2d ago All-Seeing Upvote

Yes. And how long has he been dating a vegan and he says he doesn't know what vegans eat? Nonsense.

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u/BellaBowser Partassipant [4] 2d ago Silver Wholesome Bravo!

NTA You have been giving you a gift. It may not feel this way now. He has chosen to show you how he will put his mother over you at every major event. He has chosen to show you the level of respect he has for your life choices. It is up to you to decide what you do with that gift.

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u/Ryuloulou Certified Proctologist [23] 2d ago

Omg I hate to be that person but really ? Are you sure you REALLY want to live with someone who disrespects your choices and your family? It will not get better you know. And if you have a child ? It is still time to take the exit path. Now if you really want to go through this, let him pay for the catering of his family and hire a second caterer for yours and let him see what a real vegan feast is like.

NTA

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u/napoleon_1066 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 2d ago

Your family is vegan, and he canceled all their food options. Don't marry this "man."

NTA

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u/Longjumping_Exit_204 2d ago

NTA. You're a fool if you marry him though. If you do go through with it (please don't), cancel all the meat options and make the whole meal vegan.

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u/businessboyz Partassipant [2] 2d ago

isn’t that what vegans eat?

Your soon-to-be-husband doesn’t know what vegan food is despite being engaged to you, a vegan?

Do couples not talk to each other anymore? I feel knowing what your vegan fiancée eats is a really low bar to clear for a healthy relationship.

There are tons of other things wrong with your fiancé but this small detail really stood out to me as it exemplifies how little he seems to care about you. It’s like he doesn’t even know you as a person and you want to get married? That is your idea of a life partner?

NTA, though I’m also getting the vibe this is just a creative writing ragebait post. Or maybe I’m just hopeful it is.

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u/gabdmm Asshole Aficionado [14] 2d ago

Genuine question…

Are you prepared to have this fight for the rest of your life? Because this won’t end with the wedding.

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u/Conscious_Care676 2d ago

NTA. I think you should really consider whether you want to marry someone who has so little respect for your family ( and honestly you as well). He's literally putting his mother's opinion on something that has nothing to do with her over your health as well and your loved ones.

Doesn't sound like someone who's going to be with you 'in sickness and health' when he's trying to make you sick on your wedding day.

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u/eikerir Asshole Enthusiast [5] 2d ago

NTA

Don't marry this man, this is showing ZERO respect from him and his mum to you and your family.

Imagine when even bigger and more difficult decisions will need to be made in life.

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u/FastBeach2322 2d ago

NTA. But I do think this is a foreshadowing of your marriage. He goes behind your back and does not respect your choices or the money you spent. Having both meat and vegan options at the wedding is the definition of compromise yet he is refusing to meet you halfway on this. Also his mother being insulting of you and controlling is a red flag.

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u/Big__Bang Partassipant [3] 2d ago edited 2d ago

NTA honestly do not let go on this point - its your hill to die on. If you and you're family are paying- I'd actually switch the whole meal to vegan now. And he and his family can pay for their own meat catering.

Or tbh he doesnt respect or care for an essential aspect of your life - I'd actually put the engagement on hold. Because this is just a sign of the hell he and his mother will unleash on you. And if you ever have kids, it will be them against you on how to raise your child. Your life will be horrific.

He either has your back or he doesnt. If he doesnt he can move back home to mommy.

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u/ObviousTroll_ 2d ago

NTA, your fiance is TA. You're vegan, therefore you should only eat salad at YOUR OWN WEDDING??? You're not allowed to include a meal for YOURSELF at YOUR OWN WEDDING??

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u/counselorq 2d ago

NTA Do not marry this man. Call it off now. Save your life.

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u/Beck2010 Asshole Aficionado [10] 2d ago

You’re marrying him why??? NTA.

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u/MeowMeow808 Asshole Enthusiast [7] 2d ago

NTA.. but please reconsider the marriage. If he does not respect you as a vegan (this is putting your entire family aside --- as you are also one), this will ultimately carry through and continue on day 1 and so forth.

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u/Pwouted 2d ago

This has to be fake. This is so ridiculous there’s no way you would consider yourself TA. YTA for the bad writing exercise.

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u/TheCopperMind 2d ago edited 2d ago

NTA. Is your fiancé always this disrespectful to you and your family? I’m sure he knows your reasons for being vegan and he still went ahead and made the choice to exclude you and your family at your own wedding while you are footing the bill. OP, this seems indicative of the type of treatment you should expect after the wedding. Complete disregard for your needs, your HEALTH, your choices, and your happiness as well as the willingness to withhold the truth from you. It seems like a big red flag to me, OP. You should reconsider going forward with this marriage to a man who is already demonstrating this level of entitlement and disregard for you.

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u/MariaInconnu Partassipant [1] 2d ago

This has got to be fake.

1) There have been several posts lately about meat eaters trying to force meat on vegans.

2) She dated a guy with these attitudes long enough to get engaged.

3) She's apparently still planning on going through with the wedding.

Nope.

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u/RQ705 2d ago

NTA. I would cancel the whole wedding. The fact that he is already showing such disrespect towards you and your family is a huge red flag. He and his family do not see you as an equal and that will be an issue your entire marriage.

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u/MsArduenna 2d ago

NTA but why are you marrying a guy who acts like his dick will fall off if he's forced to be in the same room as a slab of tofu?

His behaviour is controlling, deceptive, disrespectful to you, and his whole family is the same. Don't put yourself through this!

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u/Careful-Bumblebee-10 Partassipant [2] 2d ago

NTA.

However...this is going to be a life long thing for you. He's going to continue to override you in these types of decisions as long as you are together. Is this what you really want to sign up for? This should be a huge red flag for you. I would bet money this is not the only time and places he's exerted control. You need to do some deep thinking about how you want to live the rest of your life.

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u/ClothesQueasy2828 Professor Emeritass [88] 2d ago

NTA. So rude and disrespectful. So he and his mom are fine with doing things behind your back when they don't like your decisions? And why would people from their family be offended by vegan options, anyway? That doesn't seem to make sense. Anyway, it doesn't matter that your family's okay with it. It matters because your future spouse and his mother disrespected you behind your back. It was a sneaky, obnoxious thing to do. I suppose your fiancé thought you wouldn't find out until your wedding day? That would have been interesting.

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u/jsm1031 2d ago

Oh, honey, NTA, but the food is the least of your worries if you go thru with this wedding!

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u/meli_inthecity 2d ago

NTA If this is how you’re STARTING your life together when it’s all new and shiny and exciting & your fiancé is willing to do this - what do you think he’ll do in 10 years when he doesn’t get his way?

He’s not just not accommodating your family, he’s not accommodating YOU. The person he is willing to go before friends and family to say he loves more than anyone.

This act he just did? It’s not love.

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u/daisukidesu1981 Partassipant [1] 2d ago

Sorry about losing all your deposits when you cancel the wedding. NTA

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u/Neither-Copy785 2d ago

You are NTA. DO NOT MARRY THIS AH. Please spend some time reading about all of the insane MIL posts on this thread (and ask reddit) and realize that is what your life will look like.

Even if MIL wasn't involved this was an insanely AH move from him that shows disrespect and downright contempt of you and your family. The fact that he believes he can make absolutely unilateral decisions over you does not bode well.

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u/ZenithArietis 2d ago

NTA

Boyfriend = 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

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u/PatientPurplePunk Partassipant [2] 2d ago

INFO: How have you been in a relationship for long enough to be getting married but he supposedly has no idea what you eat? If you're vegan, why would you be marrying someone who hates vegans?

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u/Lazy-Belt2341 2d ago

NTA - That was incredibly disrespectful. Even if he doesn’t agree with the lifestyle, he needed to make sure YOU and YOUR family felt included and welcome at YOUR wedding. But instead he deceived you, and then berated you for it. There are so many red flags here it’s heartbreaking. This isn’t even just a “put my foot down” moment. This is a him completely ignoring your needs and wishes. There are tons of vegan options for food. Between the two of you, both of your needs and desires need to be met on y’all’s day, but instead, he tossed your needs to the side like garbage and then yelled at YOU for it. I would do some serious reconsidering about your relationship. What other needs of yours does he disregard? Does he prioritize your needs over that of himself and his family? Are you confident that he’ll care for you in the future?

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u/Fit-Distribution-252 Asshole Aficionado [12] 2d ago

Nta. Are you really going to marry a man who disrespects such a small thing that he didn't even have to eat? You compromised. You didn't say he had to go vegan. This is a huge red flag.

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u/PrestigiousWedding36 Partassipant [2] 2d ago

NTA. Time re-evaluate this relationship. Do not let it go. He overstepped and threw a tantrum because he did not get his way. There were plenty of options for all.

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u/cassowary32 Partassipant [3] 2d ago

NTA. You need to call off this wedding.

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u/faelfain 2d ago

NTA.

You're vegan, and he wants you to also have no choice other than salad at your own wedding? He thinks that's all you ever eat? The fact that veganism for some is also due to health reasons, and medical conditions where it becomes the safest/only diet option, it is pretty selfish of him to not consider those people for the sake of his side only. Especially if he is already well aware of that reasoning. Has he been paying any attention so far?

Him going behind your back like that, whether his mother told him to or not, is super disrespectful to you, and honestly not a good start to married life.

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u/NOYB00001 Partassipant [4] 2d ago

NTA and please consider even marrying this man. ew.

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u/yonanano Partassipant [4] 2d ago

NTA.
I'd recommend you re-think your marriage with such a person. You're not just marrying the person, but you're marrying within the family. What if a family get-together were to happen in the future? Will they starve your family? They don't have an ounce of respect for you or your family.

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u/Dredit_85 2d ago

Do u really want to marry this man?

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u/geekylace 2d ago

NTA but I’d see this as a huge red flag for what your future is going to look like.

Want kids? Fiancé and his mommy are going to go behind your back for that too and god knows what else.

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